Where did it go?

...the year, that is! It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating the new year (2010)!! So, where did 2010 go? And, why did it go by so fast?

I'm not really sure, but I know it has been a very difficult year for us. There have been days I feel I am just clinging to my Lord for all my joy and all my strength. I have been very surprised by the grieving process I've gone through after my miscarriage last Fall, and a second one in the Spring. Logically, I think, "Why am I so sad about losing someone I never even saw?" But, grieving is just not logical. There have been days that I have such a strong sense that someone is missing from my life. I think my Idaho midwife was exactly right when she told me that we, as American women, expect to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. So, we plan and imagine what our life will be like with that baby soon after we know there is a baby on the way. So, when I lost that life, I lost all my plans and dreams for the future. Wow! Did you hear all the "me, me, I" in that? See, the Lord had different plans for me, and His plans are never to harm me (even if it feels painful in the moment.) I can say with confidence that I would not trade any of the pain or loss I've experienced for the joy and renewed strength I've found in my Lord.

Another difficulty this year has been how little Steve has worked. He has worked for a total of 4 months in 2010. We have been amazed by God's provision and faithfulness in the midst of this tough time. It seems like every time we begin to wonder (worry a little?) about how our needs are going to be met, money shows up from somewhere! GOD IS SO GOOD!!

So, now, we are less than a week away from a New Year, and I am anxious to see how God will continue to help me to be more like Him in 2011. As I look to the year ahead, I do not know what it will hold for us. (Steve is still unemployed, but has a few job leads both in Wisconsin and out of state.) But, I know for certain that God is love. I know He sent His son. (that is why we just celebrated Christmas!) I know my sins are forgiven. I know that He is able to do more abundantly than we can ask or imagine. I know that I can continue to trust Him, even in the midst of loss.

For my husband, in the New Year, I pray he will continue to grow as spiritual leader for our family (something he is already amazing at!). I pray God will provide a job, yes. But, more than that I would love to know that, as my husband is working to provide for our family, that he also really enjoys what he does every day. Part of why I would like this is because I have been working my dream job for the past 10 1/2 years!!

For my children in the New Year, I pray they will also continue to be more like Christ. I pray that they will be best friends with one another. I pray that He will increase their faith. I pray that they will be armed for the battle with the armor of God (Ephesians), and that they will shine like stars in this dark world.

For my friends, there are so many specifics that I pray often. Friends who would love another baby, but God has not yet given; I pray they would be blessed this year with a baby. For friends who have lost a child recently, I pray for strength that only God can give through the grieving process. For friends who have sick children, I pray for healing. For friends who are lonely, I pray God would comfort. For friends far from God, I pray He would draw them near and that they would respond to His calling. For friends who homeschool, I pray for endurance, creativity and wisdom.

Begins November 29th! Are you ready to shop?

Thankful for tears!

I cry. When I see Hallmark commercial, I cry. That Folgers commercial where the son comes home for Christmas, gets me every year. I cry every time I watch Anne of Green Gables, Facing the Giants and Fireproof. Some worship songs always bring a tear to my eye, but this crying every time I am worshiping is pretty new to me. In the past year or so, I cry when singing in church, I often cry when singing in the car, and sometimes at home. Reading Scripture often makes me cry as well.
I think it started last October, just after my miscarriage. Sometimes the tears are tears of sadness because I do not have that baby to hold. Often, the tears come when singing about worshiping God forever, singing to Him in heaven. Heaven has somehow become more real to me, knowing that I already have children there. As King David said when his son died, "He will not come to me, but I shall go to him". That is so comforting to me to know that someday I will be in Heaven, worshiping my Lord and Savior forever, and I will be doing that alongside my children
I also feel like the tears have served to somehow heal me. Like, when I'm crying, the God of all comfort is comforting me, so that I can comfort others in trouble. This year has been a difficult one, not just for me but for many. It has been full of opportunities for me to comfort others with the same comfort that God continues to give me. As much as I wish that my friends and dear sisters in Christ did not have to suffer, I am thankful that my Heavenly Father has softened my heart, healed my soul and helped me to grow so that I am able to be a comfort.
And, I am strengthened, as if the joy of the Lord truly is my strength! Imagine that! In the midst of difficulties and sorrow, I find joy in the Lord and I am strengthened! He arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. Oh! How good is our God!
So, with Thanksgiving just 3 days away, I am so thankful for tears. I am thankful for how God has healed me with tears. I am thankful for how He continues to strengthen me through tears. I am thankful for how I've grown because of tears. I am thankful for the tears that have led to joy!

Quick Catch-Up

Ok, I keep feeling like I just don't have time to write a decent blog, so I don't write at all. Then, suddenly it has been a couple months since I blogged! Well, in our family, a lot can happen in just a couple months. When I last blogged, we were living with my parents, in their one bedroom, one bathroom house. We have since moved back into our house. Yep, the same one we moved out of when we moved to Idaho Summer, 2009. So, it is really a blessing to have a home to move into, and it is nice that it is familiar and comfortable. At the same time, it is a strange feeling to be back in the house that we said "good-bye" to a year ago, never expecting to be making memories here again.

We moved from my parents to our house September 4, then Hubby's Mom moved in with us a few days later. She was here with us for 5 weeks, and we had a wonderful time with her. The kids all enjoyed some one-on-one time with Gramma, while I appreciated her help with Snickerdoodle while I homeschooled my older 4 children. She is talented and creative, and helped a lot with decorating my home.

My wonderful hubby worked for a couple months before the company ran out of work for him to do, so he is laid off again (for the 3rd time this year!) I am confident that God is helping us to grow and learn from this. Again.

Sweet Summer Snickerdoodle

I just wanted to share some sweet pictures I took of my Snickerdoodle. She was having fun walking in Nana and Papa's backyard with their 5 month old Pomeranian, Gracie.

Snickerdoodle loves the tire swing, and thinks she is big enough to swing on it like everyone else.

We enjoyed a fun Father's Day, celebrating the Man who is a wonderful Dad every day of the year!

Giant Cinnamon Rolls for breakfast was a great way to start the day (Snickerdoodle enjoyed them very much!)

Toy Story 3 was just as great as the first 2. I even cried a bit (I won't give anything away for those of you who haven't seen it yet!)

I don't understand...

I do not understand what God is trying to teach me. It has been a rough year! Moving, miscarriage, lay-off, another lay-off, another miscarriage; and I have a desire to know what God is doing through all of this. But, it is not for me to know right now (if ever!).


Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

I memorized this verse a long time ago. I think I always focused on the trusting and acknowledging parts that will lead to straight paths. Recently, I read it, and "lean not on your own understanding" just jumped out at me. (Probably because I have been trying desperately to understand what God is doing!)

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD." Psalm 40:1-3

When I tell my kids to wait patiently, I also expect them to wait quietly. This Psalm sounds like the psalmist is waiting patiently, but maybe not so quietly? So, while I will wait patiently for the LORD, I will continue to cry out to Him, trusting that He will give me a firm place to stand and a new song in my mouth.

"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." Psalm 18:30-32

So, God's way is perfect. I don't need to lean on my own understanding, but I do need to trust in the LORD. And I will patiently wait for Him!

Handmade

I am so excited and proud of myself. I found a tutorial on a blog (rufflesandstuff.com) for this adorable Summer Dress! Ladybug's dress is made from one of Daddy's old dress shirts, and Snickerdoodle's is made from one of her big brothers' old shirts. Ooooo, I am just so excited to share it with you all.

As I was sitting at my sewing machine last night, I said to my Hubby, "Two years ago, did you imagine I would enjoy sewing so much?" I don't know what has happened to me, but I really enjoy sewing. I feel like I really accomplished something by making these cute dresses. It also helps that Ladybug really likes her dress.

A couple notes about the pictures...yes, Snickerdoodle's dress is wet! As I was finding my camera to go take pictures, she got a cup of water and tried to drink from it, and spilled it! :p And, yes, I think Ladybug's dress is a bit on the short side, so she will be wearing leggings or something like that under it. :)

Sweetness

I have a sweet tooth. I love Brownies, Dark Chocolate, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Hot Chocolate... But, I try to limit how much sugar I eat, so when I do treat myself to some chocolate, it tastes so good! If I go for days eating salad, whole wheat toast, celery, broccoli...then have a piece of dark chocolate, it is so delicious and I just savor it.

I think that is how life is. So much of life is ordinary, not exciting really at all; laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, sleeping. Then, when we get real sweetness in life, it is so wonderful. We hold our newborn baby. I walk down the beach hand in hand with the love of my life. I have a 15 minute conversation with my 4 year old son about how much Jesus loves us. These sweet moments are made more sweet by the fact that they don't happen all the time.

We recently had some green grapes that were so sour I didn't even want to eat them. After eating something so very bitter, chocolate tastes even sweeter.

I have experienced some very bitter moments in life lately; 2 miscarriages and my husband getting laid off twice, all in less than a year. These bitter difficulties have made me appreciate on a deeper level the sweet moments. A smile from Snickerdoodle. Snuggle time with WildCat. Prayer time with Ladybug. Playing catch with KarateChopper. A conversation with DinoDude. Reading with my Hubby. These ordinary moments are so much sweeter in the midst of such bitterness.

Summer Plans

It is officially Summer. We finished up school last week. Yesterday was Memorial Day. I'm wearing a tank. My toenails are pink, just like Ladybug and Snickerdoodle. So, it is officially Summer!
I have found that homeschooling is a lot like having a full-time job. I rarely accomplish anything besides school from 8 am- 2pm. Then, the rest of my days are spent doing laundry, cleaning the house, making meals, grocery shopping. I don't really have time to do big projects like I used to do more of before I was homeschooling 4 kids.
Therefore, I have big plans for the Summer. I want to organize my recipes. I have a bit of an addiction to cookbooks, but I tend to use the same few recipes over and over. So, I am planning to put all my recipes into a couple binders, and hopefully give away or sell my cookbooks. So, that will give me some more counter space and make it easier to find a recipe when I am looking for it.
I also want to organize kids clothes. I have way too many bins of kids clothes, size newborn to 8, both boys and girls. I just need to get rid of some and have the rest better organized for when I need them. Then, there are kids toys to organize. They really are quite spoiled and have more toys than they ever play with! So, we are going to get rid of some of those too!
Hmmm...it is sounding more and more like I should have a rummage sale. I'm just not sure if I'm up to it, so I will most likely give it away to friends who need it or to Goodwill.
Besides all this organizing that I desire to do, I hope to spend as much time as possible just having fun with my family. Hubby is unemployed right now, so we have to find free fun to do with the family. I plan to hike the beautiful hills around here. I plan to spend time at City Beach, on the beach while kids play in the water. I would also love to spend more time with the wonderful friends I've made here, in Idaho.

Dino Dude

How is it that I have a son who just finished 4th grade already? I really cannot believe that he will be in 5th grade next year! He is such a joy to be around and a blessing to our family. His baby sister loves him so much and looks up to him. She will call for him, take him books or just get in his face when she wants his attention. And, he is so sweet about it, taking time to read to her or look at whatever she is trying to show him.

He is our one child who is really NOT a morning person. If he has to be up before 8a.m., he has a very difficult time waking up. Today was our first day of summer vacation, so we decided to let him sleep in as long as he wanted. He read in bed until 10:30! Speaking of reading, he still loves to read! The last book I had him read for the school year was Swiss Family Robinson, and he seemed to enjoy it. I plan to put together a Summer Reading List for him, sometime this week. (I know, I am a terrible mom.)

Right now he is playing Star Wars on the PS2 with Daddy (the other kids got sent to bed early for their behavior). I am having so much fun watching them have some Father-Son fun together.

Anyway, I really just wanted to say how proud I am of the wonderful young man he is becoming. I love hearing how well he knows Scripture. Not just the verses he has memorized, but also how great he is at thinking of which stories relate to other things we are talking about. I pray God will continue to guide his path and that he will grow more and more in knowledge of Him.

Sovereignty of God

The sovereignty of God has been on my heart a lot lately. Having grown up in a Christian home, and going to a Christian school, means that I've heard that term quite a bit. But, what exactly does it mean that God is sovereign? I like John Piper's definition, "God has the right and power to do whatever makes him happy." If you asked me a year ago if I agreed with that, I would have quickly agreed. When I married the man of my dreams 12 years ago, I praised God for what a blessing he was to me. Two years later when we had our first baby, we gave him a name that means "happy, blessed" because we know without a doubt that children are a blessing from the LORD! And, each time I gave birth to another healthy baby, I praised Him, knowing that every good gift is from Him.
What about in the tough times? Do I praise Him when difficulties come? At some point I underlined a verse in my Bible, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (Job 2:10b) I think that was the the verse that got me thinking about the sovereignty of God on a deeper level. It made me wonder, "Does that mean that trouble actually comes from God?" It sounds terrible to say, but I believe it is true, and I have found it repeated over and over in His Word.

Exodus 4:11 "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD?"
Deuteronomy 32:39 "I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal."
I Samuel 2:6-7 "The LORD brings death and makes alive; he brings down to the grave and raises up. The LORD sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts."
Psalm 115:3 "Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him."
Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."
Lamentations 3:38 "Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?"

These are just a few of the verses I found scattered throughout the Bible that prove that God is sovereign over good and bad. He is sovereign over kings and weather. He is sovereign when I give birth to a healthy baby and when I lose one before I ever have a moment to hold them. He is sovereign when my husband is bringing home a decent paycheck and when we don't know how we are going to pay bills next month. I cannot accept good from God and not bad.

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised. Job 1:21

Rejoice and Mourn

We are told in God's Word to "Rejoice with those who rejoice;mourn with those who mourn" (Romans 12:15). I have had the privilage of rejoicing with my dear friend, Jenn, many times over our 10 year friendship. We rejoiced when we each gave birth to our firstborn babies in February and April of 2000. We rejoiced together again in January and March of 2002 when baby #2 arrived in our families...and again in 2004 and 2006! :)

Even though we have never even lived in the same state (Wisconsin, Colorado, Indiana, Idaho, Tennessee!!), Jenn is one of my best friends. She encourages me to be a better wife and mom. She urges me to keep going with Homeschool (especially when I feel like quitting in January!). We have vacationed at their home in Colorado and Indiana. She is the friend who can see me first thing in the morning, with no make-up and before I've had my coffee, and she still loves me! We have laughed together a lot in the past 10 years. I am so thankful for that!

We have also cried. Mostly over "little" things, like how tough Homeschooling can get, how challenging parenting can be, how scary it is to be in a tornado with 8 kids and no husbands!, how great the Love Comes Softly movies are... Last Fall, when I lost my baby at 11 weeks into my pregnancy, Jenn called me over and over again to see how I was doing. I could be honest with her. She didn't leave it at, "I'm ok." I loved her even more for it! Then, just a few weeks later, Jenn found out that her precious baby growing inside her was very sick. I'm not going to go into details here, it is enough to say that the past few months have been difficult for Jenn and her family. She has "considered it pure joy" as she has faced this trial. She is an inspiration to me.

Just a few days ago, Jenn gave birth to her 5th baby. This beautiful, precious girl lived outside her mom's womb for a little over an hour, then she went to live with our Lord and Savior. In her very short life, she blessed so many! She will be very missed by her family and friends.

And so, after 10 years of much rejoicing and a little mourning, this week I truly mourn with my dear friend as she is brokenhearted. I rejoice that "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted..." I also rejoice that "He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." (Job 9:10)

Fun in the February Sun

Wow!! What a beautiful, "warm", sunny weekend we had! After Snickerdoodle's birthday party on Saturday, we spent some time outside blowing bubbles, throwing a football around and just enjoying the sunshine.

Snickerdoodle and Dino Dude make each other laugh...











Ladybug has fun blowing bubbles and looks beautiful in the sunshine...













WildCat also loves the bubbles...

(Karate Chopper was playing football with Daddy, but the sun was too bright towards him for me to get a good picture...but he was there having a great time outside too!)

Snickerdoodle is ONE!!

A year ago I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl. The first year of a child's life is always full of changes. First smile, first laugh, first full night of sleep...learning to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk and talk. Even though Snickerdoodle is my fifth baby, I have enjoyed every change and been surprised by some of her firsts.

Snickerdoodle brings so much joy to our house. She loves girl time with Princess Ladybug, having "tea" and playing with babies. One of her favorite games with Wildcat is to run around yelling and laughing. Karate Chopper can make her laugh like no one else, and she smiles everytime Dino Dude walks in the room. Her new fun thing with Daddy is "high-five".

Yesterday was Snickerdoodle's first Birthday. We celebrated today with a few friends, at a Circus-themed party. She loved her Snickerdoodle Cake, decorated like a Lion. We all had a great afternoon with friends.

Wii love the Winter Olympics

Last week, we did a lot of research on the history of the Olympics and different Winter Olympic events. We also had a lot of fun doing our own Olympics on the Wii. ("Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games") We have been keeping track of Gold, Silver, and Bronze medals. We are almost done with all the regular events, skating, skiing, snowboarding, bobsleigh...and Asher is far ahead of the rest of us!

Valentine's Day

On Valentine's Day, we made a special breakfast for our little loves... heart-shaped pancakes with strawberry syrup, strawberry milk,...to start our day out letting our children know how much they are loved.

Later...I made a heart-shaped cookie pizza, topped with M&M's for the kids. They really loved it.

Daddy's Girl...

First Hike of the Year

Wow!! I cannot believe it has been so many months since I blogged. Life has changed so much for us!!

In case you didn't know...we moved from WI to Idaho last July!

We are adjusting to our new life here, but miss our family and friends in Wisconsin very much. We think of and pray for you often! We have found a wonderful church family here. The kids really love going to AWANA every Friday. They are all memorizing scripture, having fun playing the games and making new friends there. They have enjoyed the dress-up nights, where they dressed up as animals for Noah's Ark Night (alligator, racoon, rabbit, and dog), Kingdom Night (Legolas-from Lord of the Rings, a Whipping Boy-from the book by the same name, a princess-of course!, and a knight), and Medical Night (a patient, a First Aid Kit, a Midwife, and a Dr.).

Our school year is going well. Dino Dude is in 4th Grade, Karate Chopper is 2nd grade, Princess Ladybug is sort-of K/1st, Wildcat does a great job at Preschool, and Snickerdoodle is busy demanding attention!!

So, I guess that catches me up pretty well, and maybe now that I have a nice computer and "real" internet I will actually blog more often and keep everyone more up-to-date on our life.