...the year, that is! It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating the new year (2010)!! So, where did 2010 go? And, why did it go by so fast?
I'm not really sure, but I know it has been a very difficult year for us. There have been days I feel I am just clinging to my Lord for all my joy and all my strength. I have been very surprised by the grieving process I've gone through after my miscarriage last Fall, and a second one in the Spring. Logically, I think, "Why am I so sad about losing someone I never even saw?" But, grieving is just not logical. There have been days that I have such a strong sense that someone is missing from my life. I think my Idaho midwife was exactly right when she told me that we, as American women, expect to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. So, we plan and imagine what our life will be like with that baby soon after we know there is a baby on the way. So, when I lost that life, I lost all my plans and dreams for the future. Wow! Did you hear all the "me, me, I" in that? See, the Lord had different plans for me, and His plans are never to harm me (even if it feels painful in the moment.) I can say with confidence that I would not trade any of the pain or loss I've experienced for the joy and renewed strength I've found in my Lord.
Another difficulty this year has been how little Steve has worked. He has worked for a total of 4 months in 2010. We have been amazed by God's provision and faithfulness in the midst of this tough time. It seems like every time we begin to wonder (worry a little?) about how our needs are going to be met, money shows up from somewhere! GOD IS SO GOOD!!
So, now, we are less than a week away from a New Year, and I am anxious to see how God will continue to help me to be more like Him in 2011. As I look to the year ahead, I do not know what it will hold for us. (Steve is still unemployed, but has a few job leads both in Wisconsin and out of state.) But, I know for certain that God is love. I know He sent His son. (that is why we just celebrated Christmas!) I know my sins are forgiven. I know that He is able to do more abundantly than we can ask or imagine. I know that I can continue to trust Him, even in the midst of loss.
For my husband, in the New Year, I pray he will continue to grow as spiritual leader for our family (something he is already amazing at!). I pray God will provide a job, yes. But, more than that I would love to know that, as my husband is working to provide for our family, that he also really enjoys what he does every day. Part of why I would like this is because I have been working my dream job for the past 10 1/2 years!!
For my children in the New Year, I pray they will also continue to be more like Christ. I pray that they will be best friends with one another. I pray that He will increase their faith. I pray that they will be armed for the battle with the armor of God (Ephesians), and that they will shine like stars in this dark world.
For my friends, there are so many specifics that I pray often. Friends who would love another baby, but God has not yet given; I pray they would be blessed this year with a baby. For friends who have lost a child recently, I pray for strength that only God can give through the grieving process. For friends who have sick children, I pray for healing. For friends who are lonely, I pray God would comfort. For friends far from God, I pray He would draw them near and that they would respond to His calling. For friends who homeschool, I pray for endurance, creativity and wisdom.
